A Talk with HayWire is an uncanon episode of The Hero Generation.

Hello, everyone! This is HayWire , speaking! Or, this is me writing, actually. The hell with it. This piece of shit right here is taking too long to be written, so my screen time is cut until it's finished. So, in my mind I was like, HayWire, you idiotic douche, make your own uncanon episodes! It'll be fun. And you won't have to fight bad guys... you can just sit and relax.

Now, at first, I was like fuck that. I kinda want to kick some ass. But, of course, I decided sitting here on my ass like a lazy dick would be fun and educational. Oh, and it is!

Actually, I lied about the education part.

But being a dick is quite rewarding, you'll find.

So, you guys know what I'm tired of seeing? Fucking stupid Facebook shit. Not Facebook in general, oh, no. I'm talking about people's LMS bullshit. "LMS" supposedly means "like my status," and "TBH" means "to be honest."

Brittany McCoolChick updates her status: LOL ttyl guys. Tbh lms.

So I decide to comment on Brittany's status after an hour or so.

Me: Hey, Brittany! How are you doing?

Brittany: good how r u? ;)

Me: Brittany, I've just got to ask. This question has been on my mind for a long, long time. Are you a dumbass?

Brittany: loolll wuuuut?

Me: I'll take that as a yes. Does your school give you a proper education? Or are you too busy texting the girl sitting directly next to you in class? What happened to wispering or passing notes?

Brittany: ummm wuuuuutt dudeee u crayyy crayyyy

Me: Cray cray? What the hell, seriously? I'm tired of seeing your LMS crap. It's freakin' annoying. It's been an entire hour since you updated your status, and nobody has liked it yet. Therefore, nobody gives a shit about you or what you do. So stop typing miscellaneous initials and type out REGULAR WORDS so the rest of us can tell what the hell you're saying. Because half of your friends cannot tell what the hell you're saying, INCLUDING ME.

Brittany: loolll dude u r totes cray cray.

Me: Hey, look, I'm you! "WHY DOES NOBODY THINK I'M PRETTY? WHY DOES NOBODY THINK I'M SPECIAL?" What do you want, a box of crayons? And what the fuck is a CRAY CRAY? Is that some sort of fucking Pokemon!?

Brittany: lol ;)

Me: I believe my point is moot, now. Go have unprotected sex or whatever it is you spoiled shitheads do these days.

Brittany: ddduuuuude stfuuu immmm nooooot a whooooore.

Me: So I guess it was a computer error that your facebook pictures all zoom in on your boobs, right?

Brittany:' >:(

So, yeah. I think other people have already raged about the "TBH" shit on Facebook, so I won't waste anymore time on it. Even though I should've busted her balls about it, I didn't mention why the fuck she was spamming letters in the comments. Last time I checked, dude was spelled "dude," not "ddduuuuuude." Was that some sort of error? Because if she's trying to be cute, she's certainly not winning me over. She's just pissing me off.

So, anyway, yeah. I don't really have much to talk about now. That's the only thing on my mind right now. I'd start spewing one-liners, but I don't want to rot your brains.

Oh, yeah, that's right! I hate WalMart. Why does it even exist? You see wierder people there than at the fucking DMV. And that's really saying something, believe me.

If you've never been to the DMV, it's a fucking nightmare. It's like a vehicle place or some shit... you go there to take your driving test, as well as getting/renewing your license. That's basically it. Oh, but no! The human race had to make it into a living hell. My theory is that Satan was banished to the DMV, and decided to convert it into his domain. Anyway, here are a few people you'll always see at the DMV:

The Crying Baby

That fucking crying baby. You don't know where it's at, because you can't see a single trace of any baby in the room, but you can still hear its cries deafening your ears. Some people rumor that the DMV has hired a team of infants to crawl through the air vents of the building, wreaking havoc upon unsuspecting citizens and their delicate ear drums.

The Veteran DMV Employee

A grouchy, old cunt of a woman who you guess must've been at the DMV for 70 years or so. I can barely stand to be in the DMV for a couple hours, so you should really consider what 70 years of the DMV can do to a woman's mind. "Sir, for the last time, get your lazy ass up and fill out the 79-D form!" She'll say. What the flying fuck is a 79-D? Nobody really gives a shit.

The Stack-of-Papers Guy

Yep, literally a man carrying a 2-foot high pile of paperwork. When you go to the DMV, they tell you over the phone you only need two documents. But by the time you get to the front desk, (which takes at least a few good hours, dude to the line) they'll ask for a bunch of other paperwork. So, you'll have to go back home, get the paperwork, and come back to the 3 hour line for them to only say you're still missing paperwork. Think of it as the DMV's kind way of saying "Go fuck yourself."

The "Dressed up for my License Picture" Guy

This guy fucked up on his last license picture, so this time, he came prepared. He has his proper documents, combed hair, and a proper business suit. He poses for the camera, and they take his new picture for his license. However, the DMV takes multiple pictures of you for the license, and they purposely use the most shitty picture for your license, and you don't even know until the new license with the new picture is given to you. So, if you blinked during one of the pictures, you're basically fucked.

So, yeah, that's a couple examples of hell that are presented at the DMV. And, like I was saying, there are WORSE people at WalMart. I'm not even going to bother to describe them, because I just got a new keyboard, and I don't feel like dirtying it with vomit. If YOU want to venture through Google and look at WalMart people pictures, feel free. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Beep, beep, beep.

Aw, damn it. The KeyTrix is timing out. Gotta go! See you guys later, if the FCC doesn't catch me.




Yay, I got your attention! Want to fuck with my mind even more? Leave questions for me in the comments, and I'll personally answer them in my next episode.

But no gay shit. One time, I got a request if I'd "use a condom," and the message was sent from a male user.

So, you know.

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