This is the first episode of How2Survive. Nobody was harmed in the making of it.
(Ship): Why hello. I am Ship, and I'm telling you how to survive....
A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
(Ship): First you should stock up on guns.
Ship walks into an armory and takes all the guns and places them in his van. He then drives off.
(Ship): And your van should have guns on the side.
The screen shows rifles attached to the sides of the van.
(Ship): Next, you go build a base out of what resources you have. I have dirt and rocks. Zombies hate these.
After a break, it shows a pile of dirt, zooms out, and reveals the pile to be bigger than a house.
(Ship): You should have built a door.
Ship throws dynamite at a part of the pile.
(Ship): Like that. Next you should take your guns and kill zombies. But since there are no real zombies, we'll kill- Never mind, there are real zombies over there.
(Old Man): I'm not a zombie, ya youngster!
(Ship): SHUT UP!
Ship kicked the old man in the crotch. The screen fades out, and then shows Ship driving a motorcycle in the city with zombies chasing him.
(Ship): You see, zombies aren't friendly. Smash crates to find guns and bombs and crap. I know, weird.
Ship drives off a canyon.
(Ship): Plus you might want a helicopter.
A helicopter with guns on the sides rescues Ship.
(Ship): Also, zombies hate plants. So, plan sunflowers and then plant some other plants.
Ship lands in a garden with sunflowers.
(Ship): Like... Blueberries. They shoot blueberries. Carrots are missiles. And Imma take these potatoes for my potato launcher.
Ship plants a garden with carrots and blueberries and flies away in the helicopter.
(Ship): That should hold them. WAIT, ZOMBIE RABBITS!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ship fires potatoes at some zombies. A zombie throws a rock at the helicopter, and it explodes. Ship uses his parachute.
(Ship): And you now know how to survive the zombie apocalypse. Unlike me, 'cause I'm gonna die.