This is the first episode of How2Survive. Nobody was harmed in the making of it.


(Ship): Why hello. I am Ship, and I'm telling you how to survive....


(Ship): First you should stock up on guns.

Ship walks into an armory and takes all the guns and places them in his van. He then drives off.

(Ship): And your van should have guns on the side.

The screen shows rifles attached to the sides of the van.

(Ship): Next, you go build a base out of what resources you have. I have dirt and rocks. Zombies hate these.

After a break, it shows a pile of dirt, zooms out, and reveals the pile to be bigger than a house.

(Ship): You should have built a door.

Ship throws dynamite at a part of the pile.

(Ship): Like that. Next you should take your guns and kill zombies. But since there are no real zombies, we'll kill- Never mind, there are real zombies over there.

(Old Man): I'm not a zombie, ya youngster!

(Ship): SHUT UP!

Ship kicked the old man in the crotch. The screen fades out, and then shows Ship driving a motorcycle in the city with zombies chasing him.

(Ship): You see, zombies aren't friendly. Smash crates to find guns and bombs and crap. I know, weird.

Ship drives off a canyon.

(Ship): Plus you might want a helicopter.

A helicopter with guns on the sides rescues Ship.

(Ship): Also, zombies hate plants. So, plan sunflowers and then plant some other plants.

Ship lands in a garden with sunflowers.

(Ship): Like... Blueberries. They shoot blueberries. Carrots are missiles. And Imma take these potatoes for my potato launcher.

Ship plants a garden with carrots and blueberries and flies away in the helicopter.


Ship fires potatoes at some zombies. A zombie throws a rock at the helicopter, and it explodes. Ship uses his parachute.

(Ship): And you now know how to survive the zombie apocalypse. Unlike me, 'cause I'm gonna die.


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