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The Adventures of AB
Season 1, Episode 5
Air date N/A
Written by AB
Directed by AB
Episode Guide
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Artholomew Ballen is the fifth episode of The Adventures of AB.

Plot

AB and Lawrence were in the lunch line. Steven was in front of them. The lunch lady looked at him, and Steven walked away.

(Lawrence): Hey! Steven left the lunch line without paying!

(Lunch Lady): He doesn't have to.

(AB): Oh, ok.

AB and Lawrence started walking away, but the lunch lady pulled them back.

(Lunch Lady): But you do.

(AB): WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IS THE WORLD SO MEAN TO US??????????? WHHHHHHHHHHHH-

The lunch lady covered his mouth.

(Lunch Lady): He's the fifth fastest kid in school. Principal Principled pays for the top 10.

(AB): I'm #1 on the list of AB-est people! Can I get free lunch?

(Lawrence): I'm #2 on the list of AB-est people because I'm his best friend and he's the only AB! Can I get free lunch too? Please, please?

(Lunch Lady): Sure. Just kidding.

AB and Lawrence typed in their numbers and left.

Later.....

AB was in Lawrence's garage.

(Lawrence): If we wanna be some of the fastest people in school, we have to run a mile everyday! And check out this list of the current top 10 so we can see who we want to be gone.

AB put a list on a table. AB sat in chairs and looked at it.

(AB): #1 is Richard Bayes. We're obviously not going to beat him. #2 is Isabella Williams. #3 is Brandon Johnson. #4 is Ronaldia Smithia. #5 is Steven.

(Lawrence): What's his last name again? I forgot.

(AB): Mayoberger.

(Lawrence, laughing really hard): HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! MAYOBERGER! THAT'S THE FUNNIEST LAST NAME I'VE EVER-

Lawrence fell onto the floor and slammed it several times with his fists and feet.

(Lawrence): QUQJSJAJAFHHSFHSHGHHFHHSHFHFNBN!

Lawrence got up and ran around his house 3 times quickly. AB ran and grabbed him, but Lawrence pulled him with him. Lawrence eventually tripped on a rock and fell down.

(AB): Save that speed for when we're showing Ms. Principled.

(Lawrence, crying really hard): Okay, okay.

AB dragged Lawrence back in his garage, and they sat back down.

(AB): #6 is Destruction.

(Lawrence): You mean Destro-

AB covered Lawrence's mouth.

(AB): If you say her real name anywhere you are, she'll hurt you!

(Lawrence): Like she'll know. Destro-

AB covered Lawrence's mouth again.

(AB): I'm telling you! She sees when you're sleeping! She knows when you're awake! She knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!

(Lawrence): That's a song.

(AB): It applies for her too.

(Lawrence): DestronaRedfeet!

Destruction punched Lawrence's arm.

(Lawrence, rubbing his arm, cowardly): How'd you get here?

(Destruction): I see you when you're sleeping. I know when you're-

(Lawrence): I know, I've heard it.

Destruction walked away.

(AB): #7 is Mary Charleston. #8 is Jordan Mayo-Umm, Steven's brother.

(Lawrence): Jordan Mayo-

AB covered Lawrence's mouth. Destruction kicked Lawrence's leg.

(Lawrence): OWW! What was that for?

(Destruction): I thought you were about to say my name. Nevermind.

She walked away again.

(AB): #9 is Karl Washington, and #10 is Laura Washington.

(Lawrence): Let's try to beat them! Karl and Laura.

(AB): Agreed.

Lawrence and AB started running around the house. Lawrence started panting really hard and walking.

(AB): A trick is to take a breath every time you step with your left foot!

(Lawrence): I tried that, but I always forget and stop.

(AB): Jordan Mayoberger is the brother of Steven Mayoberger.

Lawrence laughed really hard, and ran around the house really fast. AB ran, but Lawrence ran faster. AB couldn't keep up with Lawrence, and he fell to the ground. Lawrence ran to AB.

(Lawrence): Did you forget to too?

(AB, exhausted): I.....always.....forget.....tutus.

(Lawrence): I meant to forget to breathe every time you step on your left foot.

(AB, still exhausted): No.....you......just......were......taking....the...oxygen.....I.....was.....breathing.....when.....you....passed......me...... all.....those.....times.

(Lawrence): Maaaaaaaaaaaaybe we should just run on treadmills.

Later....

AB and Lawrence were running on treadmills in Lawrence's garage.

(AB): How fast do we have to be anyways?

(Lawrence): Let me look on the list.

Lawrence got off his treadmill and looked at the list.

(Lawrence): Says Laura's speed is 12 miles per hour and Karl's is 13.

(AB): Then we both have to be 14!

Lawrence got on his treadmill. They both pressed "14 miles per hour" on their treadmill, but fell down and off.

(AB): I think we should start slower.

Later.....

AB and Lawrence were running 5 mph. They kept raising the miles per hour. Eventually, AB and Lawrence were running 10 mph.

(Lawrence): I'm getting dehyrated!

(AB): Me too, but we have to keep going!

(Lawrence): I can't! My tongue is drier than a desert! I'm sweating like a giant with a flood on his forehead!

(AB): And you're annoying like.....like.....an annoying person!

(Lawrence): I can't take it anymore! I'm gonna get wa-

(AB): Mayoberger.

Lawrence ran a lot faster while laughing really hard.

Later.....

AB and Lawrence were sitting in chairs, taking a break.

(AB): I'm worn out.

(Lawrence): And I'm hungry.

Lawrence's little sister, Jasmine, came through the door with a plate. The plate had 3 burgers on it.

(Lawrence): FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Lawrence ran to Jasmine and took bites of two of the burgers.

(Lawrence): These taste weird. What's on them?

(Jasmine): Mayonnaise.

(AB): Why?

(Jasmine): Weww, you said mayo buwgew a lot.

Lawrence laughed hard, dropped the burgers on the floor, and started running with one foot on both treadmills at 12 mph.

(AB): You're getting to be faster than me.

(Jasmine): Wawwence always gets hypew aftew he heaws a funny joke.

(AB): Weally? I mean really? I have an idea.

AB opened the garage door and got on his scooter. He scooted to the store and went in. He walked past a shelf of pranks. One pack said "Explodie Cushion" and had a picture of an explosion. Another pack said "Sticky Crown" and had a picture of a kid trying to pull a funny crown off his head. Another pack said "April Fools Brings May Showers" and had a picture of buckets of water falling from the ceiling. AB got to the book section and put 5 joke books in a basket. He went to a section of the store called "Adult Stuff for Kids" and put 3 portable machines in the basket. He walked back through the prank section and accidentally knocked down a prank pack. He grabbed it and picked it up.

(AB): Hmmm.

AB put it in his basket.

Later......

AB and Lawrence were at a playground. They were on a track, about to run. AB held two joke books, and Lawrence had 4 cups in each hand.

(AB): I'm glad they make kids' coffee.

(Lawrence): On your mark.....

(AB): Get set.....

(Both): GOOOOO!!!!

They started running kind of average.

(AB): Why can't traffic lights go swimming? Because they take too long to change!

Lawrence laughed and ran harder. AB sipped some coffee from Lawrence's hand, then caught up to him. AB sipped more coffee and ran past Lawrence.

(AB): What did the porcupine say to the cactus? "Is that you mommy?"

Lawrence laughed harder and ran to AB. Time sped up, and AB and Lawrence ran the track. Time went normal. AB had finished both books, and all the coffee was gone.

(AB): Now we use the other two coffee machines and the other three joke books.

Later.....

AB and Lawrence were sitting in chairs outside Stinky Sock Middle School with a bunch of other kids.

(Ms. Principled): You are all here today to try to get somewhere in the Top 10 Fastest Students. There are several students here, so obviously, not all of you will make it. I'll have 12 students run at a time. Everyone running will have a teacher find your miles per hour. First students: Ronaldo Davis, Fernando Wernek, Quentin Vega, Wallace Jones, Gary Jumpwad, Brian Bayes, Sterling Johnson, Twanger Mays, Zachary Williams, Jared Davidson, and Timothy Titan. Everyone else, you can watch or go inside. We'll call you out when it's time for 12 more people.

AB, Lawrence, and a bunch of other people went inside. AB and Lawrence drank water from the water fountain.

(Lawrence): We need lots of water before and after we serve Karl and Laura Washington.

(Kid): Who are those guys?

(Lawrence): Currently #9 and 10 on the list of fastest people. Their miles per hour are 12 and 13.

(AB): Don't tell them!

(Lawrence): Why not?

(Kid): Then I better go start running faster! I can't run that fast!

(Kids): Me too!

(Lawrence): Ooops. Heh heh.

T-Rex and Mandroid walked up to AB and Lawrence.

(Mandroid): Hey, we heard you were going to try to be on the list.

(Destruction): But no. We be on list withhhhhhhh Demolition.

(Mandroid): Her name is Destruction.

Lawrence pulled T-Rex and Mandroid his sides, front, and back.

(Lawrence): Actually, it's Destrona Redfoot.

Destruction punched Lawrence's head.

(Destruction): Yeah, get out of here. My buddies here are going to beat you.

(AB): Not a chance. We've been practicing. A lot.

(Destruction): Well, did you know that T-Rex and Mandroid are 11 and 12 on the list?

(Lawrence): WHAAAAAT?

(Destruction): All they have to do is run a bit faster.

Steven and Jordan walked up to AB and Lawrence.

(Jordan): These little dudes are going to serve you!

(Mandroid): We'll see about that.

(Steven): No, you'll know about that!

(Jordan): Steve, going to know about it is the same as seeing that AB and Lawrence beat them.

(Steven): Oh. Well, umm, you already know about that!

(Destruction): You two are already on the list. Why are you here?

(Jordan): You're on the list too. Why are you here?

Lawrence whistled.

(Destruction): GRRRRR!!!!!!

Destruction punched Jordan, but Jordan blocked with his arm and pushed Destruction back.

(Steven): I'm faster than you, Destrona! Faster is better.

(Destruction): DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Destruction tried to punch Steven, but Steven held her fist with both hands.

(AB, Lawrence, and Jordan): GO STEVEN!

T-Rex and Mandroid pushed Destruction forward to help her. AB, Lawrence, and Jordan pushed Steven forward to help him.

(Ms. Principled): Lawrence Greene, Rex Terry, Troyd Mann, AB........

(T-Rex): We be uppppppppppppp.

They all went outside. Lawrence, T-Rex, Mandroid, and AB got on the track with the other 8 kids while Steven, Jordan, and Destruction sat to watch. Jordan and Destruction kept punching each other.

(Mandroid): We're gonna beat you.

(AB): You better be looking in a mirror.

(Ms. Principled): Teachers, choose a student.

All the teachers went to a student.

(Ms. Principled): 3, 2, 1, GO!

All the students started running. They ran for a while. One student eventually got tired, and fell down.

(T-Rex): Beeeeeee likkeeee thatatatatatatatatatata ear.

(Lawrence): Can someone build a translator for him or something?

(Mandroid): We forced, uh, I mean paid Solomon to build one.

A flashback started. T-Rex, Mandroid, and Destruction were at Solomon's house.

(Destruction): BUILD IT!

(Solomon): I HAVE LOTS OF HOMEWORK!

T-Rex, Mandroid, and Destruction beat up Solomon.

(Solomon): OKAY OKAY!

They stopped beating up Solomon. The flashback ended. T-Rex ran to Lawrence, and shoulder bumped him. Lawrence tried to shoulder bump T-Rex, but T-Rex moved out of the way and Lawrence fell on the ground.

(AB): LAWRENCE, CATCH!

AB tossed Lawrence a joke book. He read a page of it. He got up, and ran fast away from T-Rex while laughing.

(T-Rex, fiercely): GARARARARAWWRRRQWERR1!

T-Rex started chasing Lawrence. Another kid tripped over a rock and fell down. AB was running side-by-side with Mandroid, but Mandroid began running faster. AB drunk two cups of kids' coffee, and run past Mandroid. Mandroid ran past him, and they both kept running past each other.

(Mandroid, angrily): STOP PASSING ME!

AB started drinking a large cup of kids' coffee, but Mandroid knocked it down and the coffee spilled. Another kid tripped on it. T-Rex was almost to Lawrence. T-Rex ran past a kid that was tying his shoes, and pushed him down. A kid passed Lawrence. Lawrence read 3 more pages, laughed hard, and passed the kid.

(Lawrence, trying not to laugh): DESTRO....NA....DESTRONA RED..FOOT!!!

Destruction tried to punch Lawrence, but Lawrence ran around her fist. Destruction kept trying, but Lawrence ran backwards. Destruction accidentally punched the kid that Lawrence passed, and he fell down. Lawrence quickly fell on the kid.

(Lawrence, imitating pain): OWW!

Destruction left. Lawrence got up and kept running fast.

(Lawrence, whispering): Finally, I call Destruction by her real name and she doesn't punch me!

AB caught up to Lawrence, and Mandroid caught up with T-Rex. Mandroid picked up Lawrence, and T-Rex picked up AB.

(T-Rex): U no be gong n e ware n e moar!

One kid ran in between T-Rex and Mandroid, and they dropped AB and Lawrence. AB and Lawrence started running. AB drank some kids' coffee, and Lawrence read a page of a joke book. They ran faster. Mandroid picked up the kid.

(Mandroid): We were about to eliminate some annoying chumps! But since we didn't, we must eliminate you.

(Kid): Wa-

Mandroid threw the kid to the side. AB and Lawrence ran to the other two kids, and T-Rex and Mandroid ran to them. Lawrence ran next to one of the kids, AB ran next to T-Rex, and Mandroid ran next to the other kid.

(Kid 1): Give up! I'm gonna be on the list, not you loser.

(Lawrence): Not a chance.

Lawrence started reading a joke, but the kid took the joke book.

(Kid 1): What is this? A joke book?

(Lawrence, mad): Hey! Give that back!

Lawrence pushed the kid down, and they wrestled on the ground. Mandroid threw the other kid up several times. Once, before Mandroid caught the kid, the kid kicked him in the face.

(Mandroid, angry): GAH!

Mandroid and the kid fought. Mandroid threw the kid to AB and T-Rex.

(T-Rex): Aer born cedd ess wut u wil b-cummmmm!!!!

(AB): Whatever you just said, it's probably wrong.

(T-Rex): U r runngggggaaaaa!

T-Rex picked up the kid and got ready to hit AB with him.

(AB): Get ready for the Big ABang.

AB pulled a big prank pack out of his pocket. It said "SuperPrank: Too Fast For Ya" and had a picture of a bunch of smoke with a sillhouette. AB opened the pack and unfolded a foldable scooter. He put a propellor on it, and put two bags on it with rubber bands. AB stepped on the bags, and he moved really fast while making smoke. The kid fainted, but T-Rex ran away from the smoke. AB ran into the other kid and knocked him to the side. T-Rex and Mandroid ran to AB, and Mandroid smashed the scooter. AB, Lawrence, Mandroid, and T-Rex ran with a cloud of smoke in between them. AB and Lawrence blew it to Mandroid or T-Rex, and vise versa. Eventually, they were all blowing it in the middle. T-Rex and Mandroid ran out of breath and fainted.

(AB and Lawrence): Yeah! We're the only two left, we're the only two with miles per hour that are gonna be recorded! T-Rex and Mandroid will need to get escorted! To the hos-

The cloud of smoke made AB and Lawrence faint.

Later.....

AB and Lawrence were sitting at Lawrence's house.

(Lawrence's Dad): Principal Principled called. She said that the only two people that got on the list were Rex and Troyd. They still got miles per hour, even though you made them pass out. You're both grounded, by the way.

(AB, confidently): You can't ground me.

Lawrence's dad held a cell phone to AB's ear.

(AB's Mom): You're grounded.

(AB): Rats.

(Lawrence): AHHHHH! WHERE?

Lawrence ran faster than the speed of light out of the house.

THE END

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