The Legend of Jack: The Epicness Continues
Season 1, Episode 12
Air date February 28th, 2014
Written by The Awesome Jack
Directed by The Awesome Jack
Episode Guide
Pug Stealer
Bat Toon Vs. Dark Lord


Jack and Junior are at the supermarket,

Jack: God dammit Junior, I said mashed potatoes not sweet potatoes.

Junior: I'll kill you with sweet potatoes.

Jack: Take it back a notch there, Satan.

They proceed to checkout. It was a fat old woman doing the register.

Jack: Could you go any slower?

Cashier: Sure!

She begins to do it even slower,

Jack: Come on!

Nick and co. are in a giant warehouse with a fighter jet next to them. All of them looked ragged out and weary.

Nick: Yo Patrick, how the hell did you get us a private fighter jet to get to Russia?

Patrick: Didn't I tell ya? Back in the day, I worked with Putin on nuclear science. They need help ever since fucking Chernobyl. Anyway, it was left over from World War II and he said I could have it.

Bob: And now we fucking stab him in the back. Good boy.

Patrick: You never told me that!

Micheal: Shut if fat ass!

All of them cram inside of it and Nick straps the Ultra Nuke bomb into the back.

Terrence: It'll be one hell of a show!

Nick flips a few switches and pulls back. The jet staggers at first but soon it is smoothly gliding over the sea.

After a few hours, sunrise is near. Patrick hurls over the side of the jet.

Micheal: Toughen up, you're such a pussy!

Patrick: That's what your mom said before I killed her.

Terrence: Enough, just fuck off and get ready to go into action.

Nick: Shut up, all of you. Get ready, we're close.

They see the land horizon. Suddenly, the wing catches flames and a chunk is missing.

Bob: They aren't fucking around here!

Nick: No shit, get ready to drop the bomb.

Terrence leans over and unstraps the bomb.

Micheal: Ultra Nuke, ready for dropping.

Patrick: Then drop it!

Micheal: Drop the weight fat ass, we have exact coordinates!

Anohter fireball ignites on the other wing and the wind then rips the entire wing off.

Bob: Our other wing is out, we're going down-shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Nick: Ya don't saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

They fall into the ocean. Nick's eyes dart open, he looks around. They were in a prison.

Nick: Fuck.


Jack: Excuse me, I think she's dead!

The manager comes over.

Manager: No, she just ocassionaly takes naps.

Jack: I have to be somewhere!

Junior: Hurry the fuck up!

Manager: I understand your stress-

Jack: No you fucking do not! I'm leaving without paying fucktard!

Jack takes everyhting.

Jack: And I'll never come back!

Junior: Damn, you so sassy.

Jack: Damn right!


Nick sits up and looks around. The entire room was gray. In one corner, there was a toilet. Parallel to it was Nick, on a bench. All around him, the gang was still unconscious. He hears a voice.

Putin: The fat one, in 2002! He betrayed us! I gifted him with out jet and he destroyed it! That bastard!

Patrick: Yo, Putin! Get me out of here, I didn't betray you, I-I was kidnapped! We created the first running nuclear center since Chernobyl, and we succeded!

Vladimir: That is true, very well.

Vladimir nods to the guard who lets Patrick out of his cell.


Patrick smiles before pulling out a crowbar and whacking down the guard. Blood drips all over the floor. Putin turns to run but is knocked unconsciouis by the crowbar. Patrick grabs the keys and unlocks the cells for the entire group.

Bob: Fucking awesome!

Terrence: Whatever, Ultra Nuke failed and we gotta get home to perfect it.

Nick: How? Our fucking jet blew the fuck up in case you didn't notice.

Suddenly a bunch of guards show up,

Micheal: Shit, we gonna have to fight out way out!

Nick: I have a better plan.

Nick grabs Putin and takes the gun from the unconscious guard. He holds it up to Putin's head.

Nick: Let us go or he dies.

The guards drop their guns and run away. Nick smiles as the group leave the prison, eager to return home.


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