|The Legend of Jack: The Epicness Continues|
|Season 1, Episode 20|
Kneel Before Dark Lord
Beggars Aren't Choosers
Bat Toon is on the roof of a building. He looks down at a women who has curves, wavy brown hair and a persistent look on her face. From behind a man slips out a knife.
Bat Toon: Oh no.
He glides down and the man grabs the girl, spots Bat Toon then holds up the knife to her throat and cuts her arm then returns the blade to her throat. The girl screams and wails, the pain too much to bear.
Bat Toon: Don't do it!
Crook: Or what? You won't kill me.
Bat Toon: Watch me.
He starres into the soul of the crook who becomes frightened and turns to run but Bat Toon throws a batarang at his ankles, knocking him down. The crook turns to face Bat Toon who looms over him. Bat Toon pummels his face to a pulp. The girl turns, screaming. Bat Toon stops and looks to her, a glance of remorse in his eye. It begins to drizzles but soon turns into a down pour.
Bat Toon: I-
Girl: You saved me.
Bat Toon: This part of town isn't safe at night.
Bat Toon: You're very beautiful.
Girl: T-Thank you.
She grasps at her cut on her arm. Blood mixed with rain splashes onto the ground.
Bat Toon: Let me help you.
Bat Toon grabs his waist and shoots a grapple hook to the roof. The Batjet was there. He plops her down gently then gets in himself. They fly off.
An audience filled with eager faces all stare towards the host who smiles back. The spotlights turn on as the camerman motions five fingers then counts down to represent the show coming back from a commercial break. The host, Sklei, sighs a deep exhale before begins talking.
Sklei: A women got her purse stolen a few hours ago. Then Bat Toon saves her. This is important becuase it happens in every superhero movie before 2000.
The crowd giggles and Sklei continues talking casually, as if he were able to do this with complete ease.
Sklei: Vladimir Putin is trying to conquer Ukraine. Did you know that 85% of Americna don't know where Ukraine's borders are? That's okay because neither did Vladimir Putin.
Once more, the crowd laughs as Sklei waits patiently for them to finish.
Sklei: There's this app out where if you hear a song you turn on the app and it identifies all information about the song. It's called Shazam!. I tried it the other day with a blender and I now I'm going to a Skrillex concert.
The audience all cheer out laughing. For the next fifteen minutes or so, Sklei conitnues telling the news while cracking jokes interjecting the news.
Sklei: It looks like we are out of time so it looks this is it. My final episode is ending. I would like to thank my producers for giving me the chance to express myself on television.
The crowd cheers as Sklei smiles sadly and waves before walking off stage. At the Batcave, Bat Toon is drying her off gently. In the other room, the Commisioner is unconscious, sleeping.
Bat Toon: I'll keep you safe if you keep me safe.
Girl: What do you mean by that.
Bat Toon slowly takes off his cowl then leans into the girl and kisses her gently at first, barely brushing his lip upon hers until she kisses back more aggresively. Toon stops then turns away.
Girl: I'll keep your secret safe.
Toon: Thank you, Erica.
Erica: How did you-
Toon: Look at your purse.
She does and on the bottom it reads: Property of Erica W. She smiles and turns to him, kissing him once more except this time, more passionately.
A few days later.....
Sklei is in his room, half naked, chest showing, vomit on the floor, empty vodka bottle on the ground. Lego peeks in.
Lego: You okay?
Sklei doesn't respond, being somewhat conscious he groans. Lego looks around then closes the door slowly. Downstairs, the group is eating breakfast. Zon looks at Nick who refuses to look at him, pissed off. Ermac is starring down, unable to face anyone. Junior walks down.
Junior: Nick, can I speak with you?
Suprised, Nick nods that follows Junior into the garage where dusty items were placed.
Junior: I know everything.
Nick: What are you talking about kiddo?
Junior: Cut the bullshit. I heard you and Ermac. I googled you and found out what you did in Russia. I have to tell Jack and the cops-
Nick sighs and pulls out a gun.
Nick: Don't make me kill you.
Junior, shocked, begins crying. Nick softens up and puts the gun away.
Nick: Look, I'm sorry but I have things planned. I'm the good guy. Ermac, he's the bad guy okay? He and Zon are up to something.
Junior slolwy nods, sniffling.
Nick: Here, promise you won't tell anyone.
Nick hands Junior a hundred dollar bill. Junior nods the Nick outstretches his fist and the two bump fists. When they return to the kitchen, Nick announces to the group he'll be leaving to the market and asks if anyone needs anythings.
Junior turns and vomits. Savannah whacks Jack in the back of the head lightly. Nick shakes his head and turns to the door. Sci follows him, getting the newspaper. The group turns to face the stairs when they see a moping Sklei stutter his way down the stairs before swinging open the pantry, snatching a cereal bar and turning around, back to his rat hole of a room. Ahmad sighs.
Ahmad: He needs someone to comfort him.
Jack: A prostitue?
Toon: A stripper?
Ahmad: A girlfriend.
Lego: Let's go sign him up for one of those dating websites.
Ahmad: Good idea.
Lego and Ahmad finish their breakfast then go into Ahmad's room to start it.
Outside the house, Sci bends down to snatch the newspaper before he hears a scream for him to move. Before he can, Sci is on the ground with a throbbing pain in his butt. He feels someone on top of him. It was a girl who gets up and begins apologizing frantically. The two stand up.
Girl: I'm so so sorry.
Sci: It's okay.
Sci dares to make a gaze into her hazel eyes then forever is locked into them.
Sci: I love you.
Girl: Excuse me?
Sci: I mean uh-yeah
The girl blushes then kisses Sci on the cheek. She writes her number down on his arm then skates away. Sci touches his cheek where her lips were, the skin slightly softer. Sci blinks, reimagining the incident. He exhales softly then turns back to the house and begins walking back towards it.
Sci: I'm in love.
Nick gets into his car and cruises to the Market after witnessing the incident with Sci. He pulls to a sudden stop and pulls around back. Bruce was there, smoking a cigar.
Bruce: Son of a bitch, look who it is.
Nick tosses a sack of dollar bills, presumably hundred dollar bills, toward him.
Nick: Your pay.
Bruce: Damn right. Now get out of here, you know not to be here during daylight.
Nick: Whatever asshole.
Nick pulls out from behind the market and parks in front of it. He gets out and slams the door, presses on the keys twice as the alarm behind him goes off, signaling the car is in fact locked. The doors slide open as Nick walks in and begins pushing a car, anxious to return to the house. Thoughts swivel throughout his mind. Junior knows. I'm just trying to protect them. This is Ermac's fault. The DEA will be all over my ass now. Nick speeds up, trying to get out as quick as possible. Nick passes by an attractive girl then stops, backing up when he realizes she was starring at him. She quickly faces the other direction.
Nick: Excuse me?
The women turns around.
Nick: Why were you starring at me?
The girl stops for a moment, thinking of a way to put what she means into words that would make sense.
Girl: You're sexy as fuck.
Nick, flattered, smiles.
Nick: Saturday night, I'll pick you up.
Girl: The name's Jennifer.
Jennifer: Well Nick, I'll see you then.
She takes Nick's phone, puts her number in then walks away. Nick stops. What the fuck just happened? What is that tingling in my stomach? Meanwhile, back at the house, Lego and Ahmad set up a dating profile for Sklei while Zon set one up for himself also. A girl appears interested in Sklei and Zon sees it behind Lego and Ahmad do. He replies to the message with the following:
Sorry not interested you ugly bitch. However, I know the perfect guy for you named Zon. Check him out!
A few minutes later she replies:
What a jerk! I hope your friend is more of a gentlemen then you are. You must be upset because you have a dwarf's dong.
Zon giggles a little bit before on his profile he messages the girl, Thalia:
Hi! My name is Zon. Some of my favorite things are camels, bacon, Invader Zim, eating cereal, buying cereal, pillows and occasionally I like romantic comedies.
Zon sits by the chair waiting for Thalia to respond. Finally, after twenty-seven seconds, she does:
Wow, you sound amazing. Your other friend was a douche. Can't wait to meet you!
Zon soon aranges a date with her and smiles, happy with himself. Down in the basement, Nick is unsure whether to call Jennifer. He knows the consequences of falling in love in his buisness. He doesn't want to hurt her. Suddenly, his phone goes off and he realizes she just sexted him. Oh hell yeah. Nick smiles. He begins texting back and before he realizes it, the time was one A.M.
The next morning, Lego, Savannah, Junior and Pug were at a park. Pug waddles off and sees a female pug. He waddles over and sits next to her. She licks him. He licks her back.
Junior: Mom look!
Savannah turns to see the two dogs looking each other.
Savannah: Yeah Junior don't watch.
Junior shrugs. Lego turns and sees a macho-type man hit a girl. He stands up, extremely furious.
Lego: Hey asshole! Why you be hitting her?
Man: This isn't your concern Mr. Vagina. Come on Lassie, let's go.
Lego throws a rock at him. It hits the man in the chest.
Man: I'll kill you!
Junior: Run Lego!
Savannah: Junior no!
Junior jumps onto the guys back and bites his ear.
Lego: Oh shit!
Lego runs up and punches the guy in the face. He falls to the ground unconscious. Junior spits on him. The girl turns to Lego and hugs him, crying.
Lassie: Thank you.
She sported bruises all over her body and a black eye.
Lego: I will never hurt you.
She squeezes him tighter.
Lassie: I think I love you.
Meanwhile, Pug and Puggete are chasing a squirrel. Puggette's owner calls for her.
Pug: Text me later.
They lick each other sadly before parting ways. Junior smiles and scratches Pug under his left ear. Ermac is out on the street and sees a girl crying. He walks up to her, hands her a rose and his number then sits next to her.
Girl: Life sucks, you know?
Ermac: I'm Ermac.
Girl: Bianca. I just, hate life.
Ermac turns her face toward his then kisses her.
He gets up and walks away. In Sklei's room, Ahmad is sitting next to Sklei who is laying down.
Ahmad: Everyone in the house now is dating except you and me. And I promise you, I'll stay single as long as you stay single.
Sklei: I never said I was single.
Ahmad: What? Then why the fuck are you so depressed? I thought you got dumped or something?
Sklei: My dad died your inconsiderate prick!
Ahmad sighs then walks back to his room and changes Sklei's information and photo into his own.
That Saturday night...
The entire group sits awkwardly as their girlfriends talk and laugh next to them to the other girls.