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How I Met Your Slenderman is the first episode of How I Met Your Hat.

Plot

A hat is drinking some beer at a bar with a 3dmg potato and some guy in a bowler hat. They were watching a TF2 match on the TV of the bar.

(Omi): Goddammit this new purple team is seriously kicking RED's ass.

(Dark): Yeah, I know.

(Omi): It's like their not even trying to win-

Dark pulled out a grammar hammar.

(Omi): IT WAS A TYPO I SWEAR

(Dark): You survived this time, Omi. No escapes the grammar hammar.

(Brian): omg dark do u even grammar

(Omi): lolololol

Suddenly a Slenderman teleported in.

(Omi): Mom?

(Slenderman): Hey, there's some bad news I need to tell you about.

(Omi): ARE YOU PREGNANT

(Slenderman): OMI STFU

(Omi): I hate you too mom.

(Sci): Anyway... your father is dead.

They all gasped in awe. They were silent for a couple of seconds.

(Omi): (ripchat)

(Sci): (strike)

Theme song thing.

(Dark): How did he die?

(Sci): Well,  Omi's ex's sister rode on Omi's ex's new husband and blew up a store where he was.

FLASHBACK

Ma Vreedle is riding on Nyan Cat bombing the shit out of a video game store. Ghastly Gibus Hattington was crushed inside.

END OF FLASHBACK

(Sci): Well that's what happened so deal with it. Anyway imma go remarry an Enderman or something (teleports) 

(Omi): We have no idea how our Slenderman mother met our Team Fortress 2 hat father.

(Brian):...sooo?

(Omi): Imma tell my kids the story of how I met their second mother since Tammar was a bitch.

(Dark): I'd hate my ex too if she dated Nyan Cat.

Flashforward, and Omi the Hat is sitting on a couch, telling a Polymorph, a Segmentasapien and a Spy stuff.

(Omi): And now I'm going to tell you how I met your mother.

(Ulti): Yay! :D

(Spy): Oh please. Can I smoke?

(Omi): SPY AMBASSADORIAN HATTINGTON THE FIFTEENTH, YOU'RE SEVEN

(Spy):... screw you dad.

(Bloxx): When I grow up, I wanna be a pedophile Santa Claus.

(Omi): Bloxx stfu

(Ulti): Tell us the story, dad.

(Omi): Okay, it all began when I was born...

Flashback thingyy.

Sci and Ghastly Gibus were driving home from a Taco house.

(Sci): Ghastly, I think the tacos are really disagreeing with my tentacles.

(Ghastly): Oh Sci, I told you you shouldn't eat a taco made by a Japanese.

(Sci): >.>

Sci went home and sat on the toilet.

(Sci): MY BUTTHOLE IS ON FIRE

She pooped and looked in the toilet. In it was a human baby, a baby potato, and a shrunken hat.

(Sci): Woah... I just gave birth.

(Ghastly): GODDAMMIT SCI NOW WE HAVE BABIES

(Sci): Don't worry, Ghastly, we will raise them as epic baby things.

(Omi, present): So after some time passed, I grew up, went to Battleblock Kindergarten-

Picture shows Omi in kindergarten with some other hats.

(Omi): -went to Sniper Elementary

Omi is in school with a Sniper teacher guy.

(Omi): -went to Frontier Highschooling-

Omi is in high school.

(Omi): and then studied Hat Physics at the Headwear Academy.

(Bloxx): Dad, you fascinate us.

(Omi): So anyway, I met Tammar at the academy and we married, gave birth to Glitch and Ulti, and then she ditched me eight monthes later since she said I was a douche for parking like one.

Tammar and Omi are in a house.

(Tammar): YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME

(Omi): Um, I just parked in three parking spaces. What's the problem with that?

(Tammar): YOU DOUCHEBAG

Tammar smashed his head with Mjolnir and went to date Nyan Cat.

TO BE WRITTEN PROBABLY

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