How I Met Your Slenderman is the first episode of How I Met Your Hat.
A hat is drinking some beer at a bar with a 3dmg potato and some guy in a bowler hat. They were watching a TF2 match on the TV of the bar.
(Omi): Goddammit this new purple team is seriously kicking RED's ass.
(Dark): Yeah, I know.
(Omi): It's like their not even trying to win-
Dark pulled out a grammar hammar.
(Omi): IT WAS A TYPO I SWEAR
(Dark): You survived this time, Omi. No escapes the grammar hammar.
(Brian): omg dark do u even grammar
Suddenly a Slenderman teleported in.
(Slenderman): Hey, there's some bad news I need to tell you about.
(Omi): ARE YOU PREGNANT
(Slenderman): OMI STFU
(Omi): I hate you too mom.
(Sci): Anyway... your father is dead.
They all gasped in awe. They were silent for a couple of seconds.
Theme song thing.
(Dark): How did he die?
(Sci): Well, Omi's ex's sister rode on Omi's ex's new husband and blew up a store where he was.
Ma Vreedle is riding on Nyan Cat bombing the shit out of a video game store. Ghastly Gibus Hattington was crushed inside.
END OF FLASHBACK
(Sci): Well that's what happened so deal with it. Anyway imma go remarry an Enderman or something (teleports)
(Omi): We have no idea how our Slenderman mother met our Team Fortress 2 hat father.
(Omi): Imma tell my kids the story of how I met their second mother since Tammar was a bitch.
(Dark): I'd hate my ex too if she dated Nyan Cat.
Flashforward, and Omi the Hat is sitting on a couch, telling a Polymorph, a Segmentasapien and a Spy stuff.
(Omi): And now I'm going to tell you how I met your mother.
(Ulti): Yay! :D
(Spy): Oh please. Can I smoke?
(Omi): SPY AMBASSADORIAN HATTINGTON THE FIFTEENTH, YOU'RE SEVEN
(Spy):... screw you dad.
(Bloxx): When I grow up, I wanna be a pedophile Santa Claus.
(Omi): Bloxx stfu
(Ulti): Tell us the story, dad.
(Omi): Okay, it all began when I was born...
Sci and Ghastly Gibus were driving home from a Taco house.
(Sci): Ghastly, I think the tacos are really disagreeing with my tentacles.
(Ghastly): Oh Sci, I told you you shouldn't eat a taco made by a Japanese.
Sci went home and sat on the toilet.
(Sci): MY BUTTHOLE IS ON FIRE
She pooped and looked in the toilet. In it was a human baby, a baby potato, and a shrunken hat.
(Sci): Woah... I just gave birth.
(Ghastly): GODDAMMIT SCI NOW WE HAVE BABIES
(Sci): Don't worry, Ghastly, we will raise them as epic baby things.
(Omi, present): So after some time passed, I grew up, went to Battleblock Kindergarten-
Picture shows Omi in kindergarten with some other hats.
(Omi): -went to Sniper Elementary
Omi is in school with a Sniper teacher guy.
(Omi): -went to Frontier Highschooling-
Omi is in high school.
(Omi): and then studied Hat Physics at the Headwear Academy.
(Bloxx): Dad, you fascinate us.
(Omi): So anyway, I met Tammar at the academy and we married, gave birth to Glitch and Ulti, and then she ditched me eight monthes later since she said I was a douche for parking like one.
Tammar and Omi are in a house.
(Tammar): YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME
(Omi): Um, I just parked in three parking spaces. What's the problem with that?
(Tammar): YOU DOUCHEBAG
Tammar smashed his head with Mjolnir and went to date Nyan Cat.
TO BE WRITTEN PROBABLY