The Legend of Jack: The Epicness Continues
Season 1, Episode 6
Air date December 29th, 2013
Written by The Awesome Jack
Directed by The Awesome Jack
Episode Guide
White Chocolate
Bar Fight


A giant base, underground. In his cell, Zon sits, arms wrapped around his back, and he is starring at an iPad. He is facetiming with his master, Dark Lord.

Zon: If I do not escape, you will call a hitman to me?

Dark Lord: Yes.

Zon: Very well, what about our

Dark Lord: All is going as planned.

Zon: Excellent.

The transmission finishes as a guard pulls the tablet away.

Zon: I still don't understand why I'm here.

Guard: Because of what happen three weeks ago.


Zon is in a portapotty, jerking off. He left the door unlocked. A little girl opens the door as Zon ejaculates. She screams as Zon is tackled down and tazored unconscious.

End flashback..

Zon: Not my fault the slut decided to invade my privacy!

Guard: She was seven you little shit.

Zon notices a ring with keys and a pistol on the guard. Slipping his arms lose, Zon grabs the tablet and whacks the guard on the head multiple times with it. He steals the gun and keys then kicks the door down, reading to escape. An alarm goes off as guards run to him. Zon shoots them down and takes an assualt rifle from the weapons room. He goes to the therapy room and starts shooting everything, whether it;s hostile or pedestrean. Zon then runs through the room and exits it through a door. This reveals a series of corridors.

Zon: Shit.

The alarm is still blarring. Zon heads to the control room. He finds it and kills all the guards there.

Zon: Fuck yeah!

He turns off the alarm and speaks into the microphone.

Zon: False alarm, repeat false alarm. Return to your post. 

Reloading his assualt rifle, Zon finds armor. 

Zon: Sweet.

Overhead, Zon hears soldiers running in.

Zon: Shit, I guess that the announcement didn't work.

He runs up a series of stairs. A few doctors try to run away but Zon shoots them. A guard tackles Zon. They struggle for a while.


Zon stabs the guard in the knee.

Guard: No way buddy.

The guard tazors Zon. Zon spits saliva everywhere and is unconscious. The guard throws Zon over his back and limbs to the elevator.

Guard: My boss will be so happy.

Zon awakes and elbows the guard, jumps on his back then snaps his neck.

Zon: Too easy.

Zon stops the elevator and pushes a different button, taking him to the top floor. However, the soldiers on top cut the line. Zon prys the door open and jumps out, landing around the fourth floor. Zon rips off an air vent and climbs inside. Underneath him, soldiers shoot up. Fortuneately, none of them crucially hit Zon. However, one of them hits Zon in the toe, severing it off.


Zon crawls his way around. Finding an exit, he looks through to see another patient below. Zon drops down into the room. A man is laughing, scratching numbers into the wall with his bare finger nails. Zon notices the body odor of this man reeks. Zon sighs then busts the door down. The laughing man runs off, full of joy. Zon looks around.

Zon: What floor am I on?

He sighs, going to the stairs. Looking, he realizes he was no longe on the fourth floor. While in the air vent, he went DOWN instead of up. He was on the twenty-seventh floor.

Zon: Shit.

Behind him, guards start chasing him. Zon quickly goes on the stairs and begin running up. However, guards begin running at him from above.

Zon: Lock and load, bitches.

He shoots them down.

Zon: I'll escape with my dying breath. 

He continues climbing the stairs. By the 12th floor, Zon is panting and on his knees, slowly going up, stair by stiar. Below him, soldiers and running up on the 18th floor. Seeing light above him, Zon eagerly hurries up, imagining the amazing metropolis above him, filled with cheesburgers and fattening sodas.

Zon: Just...gotta....keep...going.

He finds the cafeteria on the 8th floor.

Zon: Maybe a detour won't hurt.

He goes inside and shoots the lunch lady. Stuffing mashed potatoes in his mouth, Zon turns to a glorious soda machine. He rushes over, putting all types of soft drinks in his mouth. Now fully energized, he goes back to the stairs only to find out the herd of are only two floors below  him. He sprints up the steps.

Zon: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

At last, Zon reaches the top floor. He shoots the soldeirs guarding the doors and slides unding a shield covering the door. He runs out, imagining home with Jack and co. However, he realizes he is in the middle of a desert.

Zon: Fuck, this means no cheeseburgers.


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