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Plot

Jack was watching Epic Rap Battles of History.

Narrator: Bruce Lee Vs. Clint Eastwood.....begin!

Bruce Lee/Jack:

I got the baddest fists of fury

That the world ever saw

Defeated whole karate schools 

And mother fuckers with claws

How can you talk more shit

With my fist in your jaw?

Don't need words to serve ya

Imma just say watchya

Your movies they bore us

They're as slow as a tortoise

I'm the king of nunchucks

I fucked up Chuck Norris

I invented Kun Jud Du

So kiss my slipper shoe

Here is my two finger push up

Kung F-U!

Dead walks in.

Dead: Roleplaying? 

Jack: Fuck yes bitch. Your verse.

Clint Eastwood/EpicLloyd/Dead:

You may scream like a girl

And got moves like Jagger

But I'll rip through your ass

Faster than a pu pu platter

You're in the gym to much Ringo

Perfecting kicks

You spend more time matching your voice up to your lips

You don't belong in a fight

You belong in a sweatshop

So go ahead

Make ipod

Those little dances you

Don't threaten me Bruce

Fuck you dude

I even squint better than you

Now the whole gang is watching. Jack also turned into Bruce Lee and Dead turned into Clint Eastwood.

Bruce Lee/Jack:

Ooh

I beat the good and the bad

You must be the ugly

I would mess up your face

But your mama did it for me

Don't tell you give a pistol full

Of your million dollar babies

You were cool in the eighties maybe

But now you're just crazy

A man who argues with people

Who aren't even there

Is more fit to rap

Against this fucking chair!

Nick: Pwnage Dead. You got your motherfucking ass served!

Clint Eastwood/Dead:

You feeling lucky punk?

That's what I'm asking

Can't be to tough

Ya got killed by an aspirin

Your one inch punch?

Same size as your pecker

Leave the rapping to me

Stick to chinese checker

I'd beat you in round two

But that be unbelievable 

No one in your family 

Ever lived to see a sequel!

Narrator: Who won?

Nar: Jack

Toon: Jack

Jack: You mean my asian friend Bruce Lee?

Narrator: Who's next?

Jack: Next episode. Zon as Mitt Romney. Tron as Barack Obama. Me as Abe Lincoln. NEXT EPISODE BITCHES.

Narrator: You decide!  THE EPIC LIFE OF JACK

End

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